Lucifer, S2, E5 “Weaponizer”
Written by Jason Ning
Directed by Karen Gaviola
“Everyone thinks they know what He wants…human wars have been waged because of it…nobody bloody knows because the selfish bastard won’t just tell us!”
Oh, we are all so very screwed. God is a huge, cosmic dickhead; Mum, the goddess of all creation, despises humanity; and the angels are a bunch of violent, terrifying egomaniacs. Lucifer continues to turn dark and serious this season. In addition to the usual murder mystery, this week one angel murders another. In fact, he doesn’t just kill the other angel: he annihilates him for all eternity. To all the eternal questions about the meaning of life and the afterlife, add: is God that big an ass and how much did Lucifer’s producers have to pay to put Rolling Stones songs on the soundtrack?
The episode opens in typical fashion, with a body on the floor. The victim starred in a series of martial arts/action adventure films in the 1990s. Lucifer and Detective Douche turn into googly-eyed fanboys at the mere mention of the man’s name. They are so over-awed by the man’s movie career that they are under-awed by his death. Though the dead man earned megabucks as a franchise star, he spent all of his money and ended up broke.
The murder by bludgeoning of his favorite action star doesn’t completely distract Lucifer from his near-hysterical overprotective concern for Decker’s safety. She survived last week’s car accident and was not seriously injured, but Lucifer’s little brother, Uriel, informs Lucifer that if he doesn’t turn over Mum so she can be returned to hell, then he really will kill Decker. Lucifer and Amenadiel try to intimidate Uriel into backing off. Uriel can see patterns; that seems to be his superpower. Unlike Lucifer or Amenadiel, he doesn’t use strength to make things happen. He arranged Decker’s car accident by shifting the position of the skateboard in the front yard of a suburban house a few inches to one side. This small change created a domino-like effect, causing a chain of events that resulted in Decker getting T-boned. The ability to see the smallest patterns in behavior doesn’t seem like much of a skill. Uriel, however, is so good at this that he can create huge changes by making small adjustments.
The murdered action star had a rival, Kimo, also known as the Weaponizer. Kimo later starred in his own franchise of films. In real life, Kimo also stole the action star’s wife. He seems like the most likely suspect, especially after his fingerprints are found on the murder weapon, an award for best fight scene created from a pair of nun-chucks. That appears to wrap up the murder mystery, until Detective Douche and Lucifer gush over the dead man’s action figures. They realize that the action figures sell like crazy; they are extremely popular items in the marketplace. Yet the dead man had no money at all. The dead star had a contract giving him a percentage of all merchandising sales, so he should have had money coming in. His copy of this contract states that he’s entitled to 1%, but the studio’s shows that he was entitled to 10%. The action stars’ agent has been skimming the missing 9%.
The dead action star not only shared his wife with his former rival; they also used the same agent. It turns out that they shared their wife with this guy too. This woman is a real doozy: she marries the action star first. Then she marries his rival when his career takes off. Then she starts sleeping with their shared agent. Somewhere along the way, the two of them decided to murder the dead action star and frame his rival for the crime, because the action star had found out about the embezzlement.
When Kimo discovers that he has been framed for his friend’s murder and betrayed by his wife and agent, he confronts them with a shotgun. It looks like it’s going to be both retribution and suicide by cop for a few tense moments. However, Decker puts herself between the would-be shooter and his targets, and tries to talk him down. It looks like this could be one of Uriel’s little patterns working itself out – after all, he bounced a child’s ball into the street so that the rival would catch his wife and business manager together. Uriel, by making these subtle changes, has weaponized the Weaponizer in order to kill Decker. Decker lets her vulnerability show, though. She talks about wanting to go home and read a bedtime story to her daughter. She talks about fate, and death, and living. The situation is resolved peacefully, in spite of all the indications that it could have gotten very messy (It’s not clear which one of them actually engineered the whole murder set up as they, in true dirt bag fashion, accuse each other).
Meanwhile, Amenadiel’s meeting with Uriel goes badly. Amenadiel tries to use his presence to bully Uriel into dropping the matter. But Uriel senses that Amenadiel has changed. So, Uriel beats the crap out of Amenadiel.
Everyone assumes that Uriel has come to claim Mum and return her to hell because Lucifer reneged on his deal with God. Lucifer thought that God saved Decker’s life in return for capturing Mum and sending her back to hell. The truth is that Lucifer assumed all this. God showed them a vision of open gates in hell without really specifying what he wanted Lucifer to do about it. Further, Uriel assumes that God wants Mum to return to hell too, but that was never spelled out either. Uriel is afraid that God will forgive Mum, just like Lucifer and Amenadiel. He thinks that she will destroy God, and he can’t allow that to happen. He takes it upon himself, not to return Mum to hell, but to kill her. In order to do that, he has stolen a blade from Azrael, the angel of death. This blade is not an ordinary weapon: a person who is killed with it does not go to heaven or hell. They are destroyed for all eternity, completely wiped out. I guess there is death and then there is death death.
So everyone is bouncing around, trying to interpret the desires of an entity who doesn’t make his wishes clear, and never seems to be satisfied with what is done in his name. God isn’t an entity who can be satisfied. He seems to be perfectly content to sit back and watch all kinds of terrible things unfold because nobody knows what the hell the guy wants. Heaven or hell, with this dude in charge neither one seems like a place I would want to go. Maybe Lucifer was right to rebel.
Amenadiel is completely distraught by the loss of his powers. It is pitiful to see such a powerful being brought so low. When Lucifer finds out about Uriel beating up Amenadiel, he goes to confront Uriel. They meet in a derelict church. Though an unprepossessing little man, Uriel’s mastery of patterns make him a formidable opponent. Like Amenadiel, Lucifer gets his ass beat. Maze shows up to defend him – a little late – but even she operates according to patterns that Uriel can foresee, and he beats her too. In this episode, we see two powerful beings beaten and defeated. What Uriel did not foresee was that Lucifer would stab him with the blade of annihilation.
Amenadiel has been demoted. Maze has been beaten. Decker is still alive, but for how long, no one knows. Mum has lost a son. And Lucifer has killed his own brother. This is not the snarky comedy we watched last season. The saying goes, “as above so below”. Perhaps that should be reversed, because it looks like things in heaven are just as messed up as they are here on earth. People are destroyed, families are torn apart, and unforeseen events turn life in totally new directions. The dead man’s film rival was called the Weaponizer, but that word could also be applied to Uriel. He took it upon himself to carry out what he thought was the will of God. No one knew what God actually wanted. They all just guessed. If no instructions are given, how can anyone know the will of God? What is fate, anyway? Is that the will of God? If not even the angels can tell, why are we all so busy down here trying to do things that we think will serve the Deities’ wishes? We are all just scrambling around, trying to do the best that we can, trying to do the right things, even when we are blindsided by fate. Lucifer does not present us with a reassuring view of the afterlife or with the nature of reality.
I never expected this show to take such a serious turn, but I am glad that it has not taken the easy route of giving a formulaic story every week. Even Uriel couldn’t have foreseen this.