Bizzaro week continues!
This week we’ve seen the Sony hackers, Guardians of Peace or GOP, threaten “another 9/11” if Sony released The Interview. As a result, theaters pulled the film and Sony cancelled it entirely. Then, when impromptu screenings of Team America started popping up, Paramount cancelled those. This set off a shock wave through the country (and the internet) with people decrying that this was utterly insane, and that we should not be ruled by the whims of some crazy dictator. At least when it comes to releasing silly comedy films.
President Obama weighed in early today:
“We cannot have a society in which some dictator in some place can start imposing censorship here in the United States,” Obama told reporters in Washington today.
“We will respond,” Obama said, without specifying any actions. “We will respond proportionally and we will respond in a place and time and manner that we choose.”
Earlier, the hackers released a statement saying it was “very wise” to cancel the film, and to never, ever, release it. Seriously you guys, we mean it!
Well apparently these are the most wishy-washy hackers in history, because now USA Today is reporting that releasing The Interview actually is fine after all, with a few changes:
This is GOP.
You have suffered through enough threats.
We lift the ban.
The Interview may release now.
But be carful.
September 11 may happen again if you don’t comply with the rules.
Rule #1: no death scene of Kim Jong Un being too happy
Rule #2: do not test us again
Rule #3: if you make anything else, we will be here ready to fight
I think I speak for everyone when I say: “Hey, what the fuck is this shit?” Also, what is up with rule #1? What do they mean by “being too happy”? Does that mean these hackers are fine with a death scene of Kim Jong Un happening, as long as he doesn’t look too happy about it? Or does it mean it’s okay as long as Seth Rogen and James Franco’s character’s aren’t too happy about it? The most interesting thing about that is the fact that they didn’t just outright say “NO death scene at all!” They’re clearly fine with SOME kind of death scene, just as long as someone is not “too happy.”
I am at a loss. I can’t fathom how these whackos have gone from “never, ever release this film!” to “okay you guys have suffered enough, go ahead.” So what happens now? Does Sony release The Interview? It’s clear that if they did, it would be a mega hit now, since it’s on everyone’s radar. It’s almost as if the GOP are the best, weirdest viral campaign marketers in film history. But they’re not! They’re clearly, really North Korean hackers/terrorists. So I say again: what the fuck is this shit??